10: The Illusion of Lack
We Were Never Meant to Be a Project
It usually starts right in the morning. We wake up, first grip reaching for the phone. We scroll, and we take in – all of it. The polished versions of people and their not-so-real lives. Selling solutions after causing feelings of lack, through countless opinions disguised as truths. Masses of programs, campaigns and five-step-plans scream that there’s something wrong with you through the screen, from the very first second; and they keep screaming as we go on about our day.
It's crucial to identify the difference. How we look at ourselves, and especially the parts and patterns we’re seeking to outgrow. Outer influence creates a false pressure of needing to move, to evolve, to change, which is messing with our intuition. We internalise this feeling of lack, of being too much or not enough, of having to develop to be lovable. But what we fail to see clearly through the veil of created desire: this is bullshit.
Social media is, first and foremost, a selling tool. A place where people and businesses unfold all their marketing knowledge for us to start craving what only they can offer. But social media blurs the lines and oversteps boundaries. It’s not only about materialistic things anymore, but about selling core beliefs. Truths that aren’t true at all. At every corner, more content is waiting to push our negative self-image for the sake of making profit. And it’s working incredibly well.
One of May’s personal highlights was reconnecting with my former high school English teacher over coffee for the first time in 5 years. It was such a beautiful encounter, full of warmth and generosity, one of these conversations that leave you feeling so uplifted and inspired as you’re getting up from the table and walking back to your car. Claudia has known and taught me since I was 10, which makes us acquaintances of over 13 years. And as we spoke about my work as a writer and her experiences, we came up with the main question for today’s edition:
Why do we tend to approach our self-realisation from a sense of lack?
Whenever we think about ourselves, we fixate on the flaws. The parts we’re not satisfied with, or ashamed of. And we do it with utter pressure.
There are way more of these not-so-true truths out there than we could ever embody – and they love a good contradiction, because that means we’re never done chasing. Other than fashion or interior design, however, self-discovery isn’t a trend. We’re talking about the core of a person’s identity.
Self-discovery is deep, personal, and oh, so beautiful. Growth means listening to our own voices and developing an understanding of what is going on inside us, and it’s allowed to happen from a place of patience, not pressure. We’re all on our unique journeys here, and someone else’s five-step-plan just won’t cut it. The only desires that matter are the ones coming directly from us, and we can distinguish between false and genuine thanks to our intuition.
We can opt out of this never-ending cycle of chasing artificially created desire; by taking only the steps we really want to take and treating ourselves as the individuals that we are. There is no one-size-fits-all, which in itself is such a gift. It means we’ll never get tired of inspiring each other naturally, just because we are. And by following our unique paths, we’ll evolve right according to our personal timelines. We’re not too early or too late for anything, not wrong for struggling with whatever it is that is going on in the given moment. We aren’t obliged to adapt to someone else’s life philosophy, we’re allowed to stay true to our own. The key word is alignment.
Does this feel like me? Can I picture myself there? Does this bring me peace, or joy? Is this working for my individual situation?
We’re human beings, not some form of construction work. We don’t need fixing. And approaching self-discovery from a place of curiosity – rather than viewing ourselves as a sample of flaws – can lead to the most enriching experience.
Carry-On:
How do you view self-discovery?
What feelings do you associate with the thought of practicing it?
It is causing pressure or excitement?
And what kind of journey do you wish for?