In early March while spending time at the west coast, my search for an apartment led me to cross paths with Eva, a gorgeous Portuguese woman in her forties or fifties. What I couldn’t have possibly expected: she provided me with a piece of advice that would shape my worldview in a completely new way.
When she approached me with her thick curls, glowing eyes and radiant smile on that Wednesday afternoon, I immediately felt my initial nervousness fade into nothing. Eva is the kind of person who just lights up every room she enters with her captivating energy. It was a rather unpleasant day when we met weatherwise, but her warm presence made me forget about the rain right away. Eva is a surfer, so of course we immediately bonded over our shared passion for riding waves. Many surfers view it as much more than a sport – they honour it as a way of life, and Eva does so, too. For that reason, our exchange proceeded to go very deep very fast, and we ended up talking all the way into the evening. It’s one of these conversations that just stick with you as you move on with life afterwards, with glimpses of it resurfacing in all possible kinds of situations. One piece of wisdom Eva shared with me that day has remained particularly present ever since.
Eva’s piece of wisdom
“I’m sure you’ve heard of that popular saying ‘to go with the flow’, right? What many people don’t know is that this isn’t the whole saying, because: to go with the flow, we need to create the conditions first.”
To go with the flow, we need to create the conditions first. This counts for everything we do. To me, it specifically translates to learning how to let go before being able to enjoy and live in the present. We can’t do that without first laying a solid base of trust, in life itself and in ourselves, too. Letting things flow naturally becomes possible once we start believing that no matter what life has in store moving forward – the good, the challenging, the unforeseeable – we’ll be able to handle it. Creating the conditions to thrive, one small step at a time.
Thriving despite limitations
We all embark on this journey from different starting points. People’s paths are bound to unchangeable circumstances. The decks handed out to us are not equally fair, and the question is how to make peace with that truth without letting it blur our vision. There is always room left to create, to act or to decide – and no matter how little, it matters whether we fill that space with what we can or choose leave it untouched. Creating the conditions to thrive means learning to co-exist with these very real limitations while relentlessly redefining what’s possible.
Smooth sailing? Not necessarily.
Before the flow, there is the turmoil. Building a new foundation often involves starting over and challenging the beliefs that have shaped our whole thinking up to that point. It’s a deep systemic change happening inside us, making it seem like we are losing ourselves in the process – because we do, in a way. We transform.
We ask ourselves: what do I need to feel aligned with myself and my surroundings? What is no longer serving me? And then, we start adjusting.
Small steps
Changes don’t need to be big to be effective. There is no point in pressuring ourselves into taking steps we are not ready for yet or rushing a process thinking that the faster we go, the better. The truth is: real growth takes time, patience and repetition. Occasional errors are a beautifully normal part of the journey. What matters is introducing change from a place of joy and excitement for what’s to come as a result – because the reality that awaits us on the other side is meeting us with exactly that energy.
How Eva has shaped my path forward
Creating the right conditions to go with the flow is what I’m passionately devoted to in the current phase of my life, and on many days, Eva’s words are to me what a lighthouse is to the ships still searching for their haven. And as we know, they all arrive in the end.
Carry-On Question:
What comes up when you think about the conditions you can see yourself thrive in?
This week, find the time to sit with that question for a moment. Maybe there is one small thing you can adjust right away?