In an earlier edition, I already gave a first glimpse into the story of how I lost my aunt, and what she meant to me. This past weekend marked four year since she passed, and it’s always a bit difficult cause it brings back memories.
I’ll never forget the moment I was told that she didn‘t survive the surgery that should have given her more years to spend with us. It was such a surreal experience, first making you slightly dissociate, followed by a complete free fall.
Losing her was my first experience with major grief. I think that most of us know how it feels like to live with a void that can’t be filled, and that in itself is an ongoing journey.
How she lived
She had her own small sewing business, a one-woman-show fueled by passion and the will to make an impact. She was a creative, she designed clothes for plus size women during a time when it was much more difficult to find them than it is today (and it’s still a challenge).
My aunt seemed completely and totally unbothered if anybody, even a family member, criticised her without being asked. At the end of the day, the only opinion that really mattered to her was her own. She was fiercefully outspoken, which tended to cause discomfort in some of our family members - but she never, ever compromised on who she was just for the sake of fitting better into someone else’s preferred version of her.
The self worth my aunt had cultivated was a result of decades worth of experience - with life, with people, with relationships. She introduced setting boundaries before it became a thing we’re socially hyper-aware of, which of course stirred things up in our family. She was leading by example, not just talking about it. She was willing to risk a dispute before shrinking herself, and this might be the most valuable lesson I got to learn from her.
How she loved
My uncle and my aunt had the kind of love I really look up to. They were so loving with each other, supportive and respectful, surely with their differences but never going against each other. Always a team. They went on many amazing trips around the world, they shared hobbies and friends and yet each one of them stayed their own person. They reshaped my view of love in a healthy way and I’ll always be grateful for that. They showed me what’s possible if you find the right person who’s willing to do it with you. And that, at the end of the day, this time spent together can be worth decades more than you effectively might have had.
My aunt was one of a kind.
She was the one who noticed me under layers of beliefs and traits that were pressed on by outer circumstances rather than being intrinsically true. And no matter how short or how long of a time we get to spend with them; meeting someone like that is truly a gift that can enrich the course of our whole life.
That’s the reason why I’m telling you this story today - surely the loss of that particular person is weighing heavily. With time, though, it transforms. Into more and more daily life moments where we find ourselves embodying exactly what they taught us.
What did I get to learn from this?
Losing somebody who meant the world to us will change our world. But in ways that leave more impact than we think - not only the void.
We get to honour the way they inspired us by intentionally integrating their wisdom into our daily decisions. We miss them and we feel the gratitude. Everything all at once.
Thank you for seeing me - you did it first, you did it best.
Carry-On Question:
What piece of wisdom are you grateful to have learned from somebody lately?
I'm thrilled to say that this is my tenth time reading this, and I just met your beautiful aunt through these words! Thank you so much for sharing this with such enthusiasm!
What a moving tribute to your aunt.
As someone who didn’t know her, I still got really emotional reading this.
She sounds like she was more than ahead of her time in such a beautifully strong way.
Thank you for sharing this.