29: Needs and Similar Stories
Why are needs important?
I spent last weekend visiting family and hiking in my old home region. It’s fall, which means that Austria’s forests are turning all red, orange, and yellow. It’s one of my absolute favourite views to look at. I love the calming energy coming along with fall, as the days turn shorter and the world gets quieter. Almost as if the clocks start ticking slower, encouraging you to pause and reflect on the question of what it is that you really need in this life.
How are “needs” defined?
We can all agree on the basic needs such as food, water, shelter, and clothing. However, different psychologists, Maslow in particular, mention that humans have additional needs, such as social bonding, acceptance, or self-fulfillment. Considering this, our needs seem to reach far into our decision-making, maybe even further than we think.
Let’s establish one thing from the get-go: feeling the need for something isn’t a weakness. For some of us, the idea of needing someone or something might be in direct conflict with the way we’d rather like to approach our daily life - cause it often links to the thought of dependence. Feeling a need isn’t a bad thing, though, it’s a completely normal part of the human experience. And not only that - it can always lead to something beautiful.
I mean, how many times does the need to go out and explore lead to a love story?
Countless times. Other human included or not, the desire to try a new hobby, for example, or travel to a new country, usually gifts us something. Friendships, a new passion to follow, an exciting job opportunity - there’s so much amazing stuff that could happen, much more than we can normally foresee.
Instead of viewing the thought of need as something weak, we can also view it as a source of opportunity - a small push from our intuition towards something we should seek out.
Thoughts to carry along
Sometimes, there’s an ocean between want and need.
We want something to work out, more than anything even, and by hyper-fixating on the outcome, we end up not being present enough in the moment itself to understand that it might not even fill our core needs. A job we thought we wanted, or a person we eagerly wanted to integrate into our lives sometimes just don’t make the cut - for valid reasons, as we later find out.
There’s often a difference between knowing and thinking what we need.
Most of us have been there: we chase after something and at some point, it turns out that what we thought we need might not actually be what we need.
What we think we need is closely linked to our surroundings. We all grow up differently, and our perception of normal depends on how our worldview has been shaped from the beginning. It’s easier to keep going after what we’ve witnessed in cases of others instead of opting for a new approach. A classic example: the first men in their family system who start actively tending to their emotional wellbeing compared to those who came before them, and who didn’t do so.
Core needs can’t be compromised.
We can’t suppress our core needs forever. Sooner or later, they’ll resurface.
Personally, I’m a social contact and physical touch type of person. I love hugging people I like and being in the same room with someone physically, not just virtually, fills my cup. That’s why spending regular quality time with my loved ones is a need that has to be fulfilled for me to keep functioning properly. Not everyone is like that, though, which is absolutely fine. What matters is that we keep revisiting our own thoughts and feelings when it comes to core desires, and check from time to time if they’re being fulfilled.
Needs need to be communicated.
Needs vary from person to person, and most of us can’t read minds. They’re not necessarily the easiest thing to express, but only by giving each other a better insight into our mind, we can grow a proper understanding of another person’s wishes and desires.
Needs that may be hidden can be uncovered.
I believe that intuitively, we can sense for ourselves whenever something is missing. Being able to name it, though, is a different story, which makes things complicated at times. However, we can always keep on learning about ourselves by being our own best active listeners.
Others do not have to get it - it’s enough if you do.
Needs are individual, and sometimes, therefore not fully able to grasp for someone else. And: they certainly don’t have to be. Not everybody needs a regular night out, the weekly forest hike or plenty of alone time, but if it’s our core need, it doesn’t have to make sense to anyone else.
Needs can be the best proof that our inner drive is still there; this week, let’s keep it moving.
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