Moving through a phase of uncertainty and owning it as perfectly valid present state is nowhere near easy. Thriving in the unpredictable – is that possible? My friends Logan and Jean, who’ve just started a new life chapter on the Portuguese west coast, helped me find the answer.
Meeting Logan and Jean
Two people who’ve managed to do that beautifully are my dear friends Logan and Jean. They spent two decades living and raising their daughter in Singapore before moving to Portugal, where we met. Before building a life together, each of them had embarked on their unique journey filled with travel, adventure and self-discovery. Prior to meeting them, I’d never had the pleasure of getting to know a couple as unbound from location as Logan and Jean. They truly embody the “home is where you are” - saying. I love the way they’re giving each other stability while navigating the expat life, and how their relationship is their strongest sense of security. They didn’t bother establishing it on the outside – through things like buying a house and staying in it for as long as they both shall live. You can tell that they’re an incredible team in the way they effortlessly move through their day side by side, and I remember catching myself thinking more than once while spending time with them: “This is what I hope to find one day, too”.
Watching them navigate their shared life with all that grace makes me forget sometimes that they too had their passages of uncertainty leading up to where they are now. The first year of their relationship, for example, was long-distance due to Jean travelling the world, leaving them with challenges such as keeping contact (remember: pre-digital times!). Despite leading different lifestyles at that time, they managed to grow individually and together, by prioritising themselves while nourishing their connection. Through Logan and Jean, I learned that even the unpredictable part of the journey can be incredibly joyful – if we allow it to be.
So how can we cultivate optimism in times of uncertainty?
When we’re facing changes on all ends, and the “Life is what happens when you’re busy making plans” is really kicking in?
With care comes the worry. We can only fear to lose something if it’s valuable to us. Diving headfirst into uncertainty is scary, because how do we make sure we keep close what’s sacred to us? A big first step towards making peace with uncertainty is accepting that even steadiness is changing its shape and appearance. We can’t force things to stay the same and why should we? After all, there’s a lot of possibility in the uncertain, waiting to unfold its potential. We can keep close what’s sacred by remembering why it’s sacred to us. By honouring its essence, its uniqueness. And embracing it in all the ways we can.
I’m learning to accept fear as a beautiful reminder of how lucky I am. How fortunate am I that I have that much to lose? And why on earth do I waste so much time worrying about losing it instead of embracing it while it’s right beside me?
Finding direction
We’re ideally moving through life with a sense of direction, but direction can come from various places and perspectives. Some of us need more structure to thrive, and some of us need the freedom. Both are equally valid and valuable. But no matter what type we’re individually leaning more towards, we got to leave some space for the unpredictable, or we might deprive ourselves of some extraordinary experiences.
There’s hardly anything more genuine than someone’s honest and heartfelt “I don’t know”. “I can’t tell what’s going to happen next, or how this will evolve moving forward. But I know I’ll see when it’s time.” Not needing the answer before it’s due. No unnecessary pressuring or forced time-lapse. Just moving along with the process, not working against it. Accepting the truth that there is only ever that much we can contribute, and the rest is patience.
The surfing analogy
In surfing, one of the first things you are taught is not fighting against the wave holding you under water when you’re experiencing a wipe-out; because it’s pointless. The less you fight, the faster you’ll come to the surface. It’s one of these analogies I’ve noticed to rediscover outside the ocean. Fighting against life’s unpredictability is equally pointless. Whether we want to or not, we will be confronted with plot twists or all other kinds of unforeseeable circumstances. It’s a perfectly normal part of the human experience, and yet we seem to struggle with finding peace within that truth. We can have all the backup plans in the world, but more often than not, the reality we’ll be confronted with at the end will ask us to build a whole new strategy anyway.
Letting go of that urge to control every aspect of the future is unbelievably freeing. The switch from attempting the impossible to acknowledging that the only controllable stability is the one you create within yourself. Becoming your own compass, your own world map, if you will. And: against our initial belief, not knowing what will happen in advance is not a bad thing. By taking a step aside, we’re allowing life to exceed our expectations.
Carry-On Question
How good can it get?
A question that can set magic in motion.
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