9: Let Love Be the Anchor
Making Walls Unneeded
Not every encounter ends on a positive note. Getting hurt in the process is part of being human, and it’s tempting to give in to the initial instinct to start building walls around the heart.
But what if we do the exact opposite? What if instead of turning bitter, we turn up the love? Making it an active decision, a defiant step – a testament. To the way we personally want to walk through this world.
You might have experienced this at some point: you’re getting to know someone, and things seem to be going great. But suddenly, their tone starts shifting and you’re confused about them acting different towards you without any reason. Have you ever come across the word self-fulfilling prophecy?
It means we’re treating somebody the way we’re expecting them to treat us, based on negative, unrelated experiences of the past. The other person stays clueless and confused about what on earth is happening, as neither they nor you are aware of the reason why things feel so off all of a sudden.
By choosing love over fear, and all the walls that come with it, we’re reclaiming the power.
I personally refuse to let the actions of others dictate how I proceed to enter new connections. I think that being aware of those wounds left by others is important, but not only that – how we respond to them is our own responsibility.
And once we’ve realised a thing or two, the healthy consequence would be to actively work with it. It’s not about being perfect or getting it right all the time, what matters is that we find the courage for these honest conversations with ourselves here and there. That’s all. That’s what we can bring to the table.
Other people’s ability to communicate, or lack thereof, doesn’t have anything to do with us. So why should we let that determine how we feel about ourselves? Does it change anything about the fact that we’ve entered the conversation with our very best intentions? That is what’s worth remembering, and honouring. And we don’t need anybody else to do it, just us and our sense of self-worth.
There is a huge difference between walls and boundaries. Mistrust, self-fulfilling prophecies and other kinds of self-sabotage are the perfect ingredients for building a wall around the heart. A wall makes connection impossible.
Boundaries arise from self-respect, dignity, and the desire to create space for healthy connections on eye-level. They’re a declaration of love.
I believe that we need the pain just as much as we need the success stories. Not to forcefully seek the good in it – sometimes a shitty experience isn’t meant to be any other than that. Growth doesn’t have to hide in a silver lining, it can be much closer. Embedded in the decisions we make as we move along. Anchored in the intention to win clarity about who we want to be, how we want to treat others and what cycles we’re willing and not willing to break. Determined to keep the love at heart.
That might be the most difficult part. Not giving in to the tempting thought that the pain could have been evitable if only we never opened up. But if we pause right there for a moment and ask in all honesty – does caging our heart feel like protection, or are we rather unintentionally building our own prison here?
What is there to gain if we let the fear of losing what we love take control? How is life, how are others supposed to prove us wrong when we always decide upfront that it’s not going to work out?
It takes a lot of courage to keep the heart open, I know. What counts is understanding that we’re the only ones inevitably hurting when we don’t; not the people that caused the pain. The idea that closing off somehow works as a revenge seems to be so popular, but what we fail to see is that we’re the ones losing in that calculation.
Turning walls into boundaries is the kindest thing we can do for ourselves. It proves we can radiate love and protect our peace. They allow us to stay grounded in our softness and stay vulnerable – making walls unneeded, and one day, maybe, unwanted.
Carry-On:
This week, take a moment every day to sit with yourself and feel the love moving within you. Who (or what) is it connected to? What images arise before your inner eye?
Lovely inspiration ❤️